Re3: It was good

From: Rita Pressley LeDoux (ritaritasenorita@yahoo.com)
To: Maura Kelly (mauraswimgrrrl@yahoo.com)
Date: Sun, 6 Apr 2008 8:04:53 pm EDT
Subject: Re: It was good

Ahhhhhh, I am snookered Maura yes WHAT HAPPENED TO MY COLORS}S??????????? OK, nothings right, everything's f;d up here, hahahahahahahaha!!!!! Guess who's hitting the hot toddies??? Waiut a s=ec..............................
Almost
Ok. Phew.

Now... had this been an actual emergency, the announcers would have informed you where to tune in your area for up to the minute news and bulletins.

OK, like I said, I have had two hot toddies withthe wild orage tea and feel snookered, and guess what else????? MUSICANEX!! IN THE MEDICINE CABINET!!! I had a bottle from last winter that I was afraid to use since I was preggers with the dannster and HOLY SHIT! I JUST USED THE TERM "THE DANNSTER" FOR MY SON!! I AM GOING TO HELL!!!!!!!!
Cereally as I say I had musicnex from when I was preggers with Dannydan (who at that time was still BABY X) and was afriad to use it, so into the med cab it went (I also can't believe I just typed "med cab") and guess what? Unopened with expiration date 08/22/09. So I took your advice and I also took two of those pills and you are right. They work and they work fast.

So thank you.

Maura maura maura, I love you and i loved your email because you said some things that were so wise and insightful (yes, there is a part of me that holds back from my mom, yes I can see that there's a lot of my good qualities that come from her as well as the drive me nuts qualities etc etc, all of that stuff you wrote is why I love you so much) but then aslo you PISS ME OFF: ARE YOU A SLUT? ARE YOU A GIRL WITH A SLUTTY PAST? I DON'T THINK SO! AS I ALSO SAY, STOP TALKING ABOUT MY BEST FRIEND LIKE THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You had some hard things happen to you (like the bed of a pickup truck hahahaha, sorry but I couldn't resist) but this whole thing is about the way you REACTED when you didn't feel like you had any other alternatives. You have spent the last 10 years of your life in some ways like someone who's been running away from an attack but not looking around while you run to see that there are people who want to help you. Who feels like it was their fault and has been getting comfortable with the idea of slowly realizing that it wasn't.

I hope you talk to Todd tonight and you find out what's up, and when you do, the answer is I bet he didn't quite know how to approach you and maybe you felt a little vulnerable and needy too THAT DOESN" T MEAN YOU WERE WRONG just that it made you expect more. I bet when you see him tonight he comes to YOU and gives you a big wet smooch full-o-tongue and you'll be all luvyduvy looking at each other through the little order window again all night.

I think even though you can't read this yet that you ought to tell him that what you wished was what you told me, that he'd come back to your place and just hold you all night like your mom did. OK, maybe not tell him that but you know. Just let him know you NEEDED him is all.

Of course if he's getting pulled in directions by kids then maybe who knows, it could also be that he pulled back because he doesn't want to get pulled in another direction. But see this is why TALK!!!!!!

I know you are tonight and I can't wait to hear how it goes.

Meanwhile the dannster is in bed. And I'm not far behind myself

Call me when you can or if it's too late (like not in the next ten minutes email me.

I love you and hope you don't mind the drunken tone of this email. I'm just giddy from not COUGHING!!!
Love
Senorita!!!!!!!!!!

More to come... stay tuned
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Re3: GOing to vermont

From: ledoux67@aol.com
To: christyswims@yahoo.com
Date: Sun, 6 Apr 2008 10:09 am
Subject: Re: GOIng to vermont

Hi woman! Sometimes seems so EXTRANEOUS to email, given that we talk all the time, but sometimes I just get up and it's a nice quiet Sunday morning and our breakfast plans get skuttled and I don't feel like yakkin' on the phone, so I log in and I write to you. I am in the house alone; Brian is out with Becca doing something in the backyard (I'm looking; they're filling the bird feeders, which should actually be called the SQUIRREL feeders, the little bastards, lmaaao). We were going to meet Mom and Dad for brunch but now Dad has this same cough and cold that everyone's been passing around, and they're just not up for it. So I made us pancakes; we demolished them and now those two are out there and I'm in here.

Now that I'm typing, I'm not even sure what I wanted to type ABOUT.

Maura, mainly, and Marty and Maggie. The three Ms in your life, aside from moi, lmaaao.

You asked me Friday if she'd ever "let on about any of this." Maura has confided in me about a lot of things, and she DID show me the website pics and those pool pics before she showed you, but she never let on that they were taken when she was 15 years old, no, no, no, no, no way. Especially not back that one year you guys lived here and she was one of my counselees. No. Never let on that anything happened with that coach. Never really mentioned much at all about being up there except the infamous "God, mom moves us from one loserville high school to another" comment lmaaao.

And "Just because YOU two went here doesn't make it any better than where I WAS" lmaaao

Her take on it was what you said back then: that she was being moved away from Tom Stewart and "kids I got in trouble with up there." That's what I remember. I didn't press the issue. Almost every time we talked they weren't formal appointments so much as her just popping in my office and saying hi, sitting and talking, opening up to me. Almost like she was feeling me out and seeing if she could confide in me. But she never confided any of all THIS that came out this past week.

It's hard to say looking back now and knowing the whole story, because Maura WAS so troubled back then, and it'd be so so so so easy to say OH! THAT'S WHAT IT WAS! YOU KNOW, I THOUGHT THAT SOMETHING LIKE THAT WAS GOING ON. But really I wasn't thinking abuse at the hands of a coach. I just thought "Weirdo mean asshole of an absentee dad who knows what strings to pull to use Maura to get AT you." So no, she never let on or even mentioned it. But then of course the things that are most troubling, the things you want to hide most and want people to see least, those are the things you DON'T mention.

I'm not surprised that she told Rita, and, no, Rita never told me either. I have heard nothing from Rita about anything Maura's said to her about anything; it's all been "I told Rita" from Maura you know? Meaning that they're tight and they don't chatter to everyone else like you and I do, lmaaao.

Thing you told me that she said that I think explains a lot: "I guess I figured if we moved away, it'd be done and then when we moved back and I beat his teams, I felt like 'fuck you, loser.'" She found ways to deal with it. But it still happened and I'm not surprised it took her this long to come to the realization that it was not HER FAULT. I think all of the things she's done since then have been "about" her taking control of it. You know?

We talked about all this already but I like typing it. When I type it, I re-read it, and when I re-read it, I see how insightful and brilliant I am, lmaaao.

Speaking of my insightful brilliance (or brilliant insight), we now come to the other two Ms, Marty and Maggie. I loved seeing them on Wednesday night and the best thing about it was that you weren't here, lmaaaao. Seriously, I missed you, and it was kind of weird at first to see Maggie without you... but then it also drove home what you always say, about how she is SUCH a daddy's girl. He TAMES her, Christy. Really. Not that she didn't have her three-year-old moments but it's just like when Brian is out with Becca. There's a different dad-daughter dynamic than there is mother-daughter. (I HATE the word "dynamic" lmaaao) Somehow she's more placid with him than with me.

So that was cool, seeing Marty in action as a dad without you, realizing that yeah, he's not just a good dad and husband because he works hard and brings home the bacon and all that, but because he is a good dad and loves Maggie and knows how to handle her.

We talked about all this with him, and that was the main thing that was nice about Wed night: WE TALKED TO MARTY. Not talked AT Marty, or talked AROUND Marty, but conversed WITH him, engaged him, exchanged ideas, got to pick his brain and actually KNOW him. Or at least I did. Brian of course talks to him all the time and they know each other pretty well. But he has always been shy around me and I always feel frustrated about it. But not Wed night.

It took a little pushing, as I told you, but...

Basically what I said was "Marty, Brian and me have been best friends for 40 years. Your wife and me have been best friends for 35 years. Your wife and Brian, I hate to say this, but they have their bond, whatever the hell it is lmaaao that goes back about that far too. I mean those two took the plunge YOUNG, Marty." Which was when the whole "I know, and I always hated him for it" thing came up. A surprising revelation to me, but surprising too that Brian and Marty have talked about it already.

ANyway my upshot was, and he got it: we don't push him to talk or open up or discuss things to "take sides" or "get stuff on him to report to Christy" etc etc but because we all love each other and we're all on the side of getting along and feeling better.

It was fun to try to get him to discuss the sex stuff, Christy. He SQUIRMS lmaaaao. He starts out with that whole "Well, it's private" thing and yeah, it is, but he feels like he's disrespecting YOU by talking about it. And I said "Marty, your wife and I have talked about everything there is to talk about regarding me, you, Brian, Scott Perry, Tom Stewart, Ernie Wise, Ginny Long, Darrell Hampton, Steve Kelly, Tara Longbaugh. Anyone either of us was involved with or might have even thought about being involved with. Sometimes it seems like we don't make a move unless we talk about it first. That's what WE'RE used to." I don't know why he still can't get used to the idea of talking through something to find the answer to it, but I told him that if he thought there was anything that he could tell me about you that would surprise or shock me, I'd pay him twenty five bucks.

And he said "You were involved with Tara Longbaugh?" lmaaao

And of course then that's Brian's prompt to bring up the sleepover. Yeeshus, any time we mention Tara Longbaugh, he HAS TO MENTION THE SLEEPOVER. "Tell Marty what you guys did with the Tickle uh huh huh huh." Pig. I swear, ONE IFFY THING happens at ONE JUNIOR HIGH SLUMBER PARTY and you never hear the end of it, lmaaaao.

I said "ONE MORE TIME, Brian: we had a sleepover, and while we were getting changed Tara and I started having a deodorant fight and she painted around my boobs with Tickle. It was just funny until later when it turned out she was a lesbo and Christy got all freaked out. She was all 'Ewwwww....you think she wanted to paint around MY boobs?'"

And of course your husband's response: "So Chris was AT that slumber party?" lmaaao.

So maybe THAT'S what he was thinking about Friday night. Tickle.

No, what he was thinking was that he loves you and missed you and "It really just blows my mind that she would make that trip. I just feel bad that I couldn't, but Maggie wouldn't have handled it well."

Revelation from Wed night: that he has not smoked weed since Maggie was conceived! "I figured I'd better give that up." Wow. I had no idea. I guess he just naturally looks stoned, lmaaao. And he said you didn't read him the riot act about it; he just decided on his own.

Brian and Becca are back in, so I'm going to hit SEND. This email is pretty much open ended, I guess. We can pick up the thread when we talk. Or not, lmaaaao.

Not sure what we're going to do the rest of the day... Mom was talking about running up 15 to Country Market for flats but that was before they bagged out on brunch. SHE might still want to; I'll have to call and see.

If you leave now, we can meet you around 1, lmaaaao.

Talk to ya later, woman... tell Marty and Maggie HI... xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo me!!

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Re2: It was good

From: Maura Kelly (mauraswimgrrrl@yahoo.com)
To: Rita Pressley LeDoux (ritaritasenorita@yahoo.com)
Date: Sun, 6 Apr 2008 05:38:55 am EDT
Subject: Re: It was good

Rita re your cold, I keep telling you, I know you hate taking meds but MUCINEX, that fixed me right up. A couple days of intermittant coughing after I started taking it and then I was healed. My coughs were "more productive" (that was what the box says ), I hacked a little first thing in the AM and then the rest of the day was good. And after a few days nothing, back to normal.

As you can see I am up, I am up because it was an early night, it was an early night because it wasn't busy and because Todd and I did NOT really see each other or do anything. I don't know Rita, I have a bad feeling. I opened up to him and told him all this shit after mom left Thurs night, talked a LONG time on the phone and told him basically all the stuff that happened that I told her about, plus a lot of other stuff, just opened up to him, felt like I could. Noticed as we talked that he didn't seem to have much to say about it, but then when I saw him Fri he just seemed DISTANT, and same last night, just distant. We hugged and he kissed me almost too quick, or maybe it was just me needing more and feeling like ANY way he kissed me would be too quick, I don't know.

I just worry that I told him too much, opened up too much, like now he saw a side of me that he didn't realize was there, that now he thinks I'm some SLUT and not the nice girl he thought, but some girl with a slutty past.

I just wanted to take his hand and bring him back to my place last night and have him hold me all night on my bed the way mom held me when she came up Monday. But he had to go take care of his kids.

I just wonder if anything can happen with him.

He says he will be up here all summer once the kids school ends.

Or maybe he was preoccupied with something too.

JUst hard for me not to think that it wasn't responding to me and what I told him since that's the only thing I know that changed between us, is that I told him about the modeling and the website and asshole coach taking the pictures and truckfuck and all of it.

And couldn't sleep for it either, went to bed at 10:30 when I got back, tossed and turned, took basically a bunch of naps through the night and now it's 5 am.

I don't even feel like taking the fucking camera out.

Life sucks at the moment.

I know I'm confused and distraught when I start thinking and wondering about LUKE, who I also told this stuff to, but who didn't freak out or get distant about it, maybe because he knew the stuff about the modeling going in, that was how he FOUND me, and we did a lot of that artsy modeling TOGETHER, if it hadn't been for that, we wouldn't have met. Pissed at him that he was such a big baby and then think "well look at what you were carrying around inside you Maura, how can you blame him?"

Listening to the girls talking about "how guys are" at work last night and thinking why do women always take that same old tack of bullshit of complaining about "how guys are" like ALL GUYS are ONE WAY, act one way. But then the whole time feeling distant from Todd, thinking "he's not that way" and yet he's some other way that made me feel distant.

Sometimes I just don't know if it's me or him or what.

I feel something for him and that something said to tell him what I was going through because he said that if I needed him, needed to be with him, call him, I could come down, all that. That made me think he was there for me, but then when I just needed to feel normal around him the last two nights, I just felt weird.

Was it me or him, do you think? SHould I have opened up to him?

I'm reading what you wrote so I get out of myself. I'm sorry you are not close to your mom, Rita. I know you've figured out that she tries and gives you what she can in her own way. And you have said she is better since you had Dannydan. I think that mom and me had a breakthrough because in a lot of ways I was holding back from her. Are you holding anything back from your mom? Or do you think maybe vice versa?

But like you say you have always had Margo to talk to, and your brothers. I like the way you put it one time: "I'm just guy oriented." See my dad was in my life intermittently and he was f'd up, but I thought he was normal, thing was he f'd ME up, till I realized that MOM was the normal loving one and HE was poison. YOU though had two loving parents and I know you say you have always been closer to your dad and to Brian and Danny (brother) (I still am not sure when I say "Danny" if you're sure I mean your brother or your son) and of course your best friend /husband is also a man, but your mom also made you who you were. I see that with my dad. I hate to say it but he made me a lot of who I am. He was kind of artsy (painter) and so I always kind of saw that as something cool that I wanted to do myself.

He just didn't want to have anything to do with the work of having me as a daughter. If he could just have me on the weekend and send me home, that was good enough for him, and like I've told you a million times, those weekends I'd visit him, it was like I didn't even see him, I'd just eat there and then go hang out.

So getting back on track here, just the little I know your mom I see a lot of her in you, and not just "bad things" (you know what I mean, the things that you do that annoy you, that make you scream I'M JUST LIKE MY MOTHER!! to yourself) but your gentleness, the way you give to people around you like you say she does.

If there's something that you feel like you need her to hold you for and make you feel better about, maybe the way you need to get her to do it is to take the risk and open up to her and that will give her the window, the opportunity to get closer. Maybe she doesn't even know you NEED that. probably she misses being close to you as much as you miss being close to her. That was the one thing that mom kept saying most of all: "I miss you so much sweetie." I miss her too.

There was something else but I lost my train of thought. I'm going to go nuke my coffee and see if it comes back to me.

It didn't

I could keep whining and writing but we will talk later today and it's better to whine interactively so I'll save it

Just glad that Tony did the right thing and made you feel better when he got home and fixed you up with toddies!!! It's almost like he has someone here helping give him ideas Those always fixed me up when I was sick but the best thing like I said is Mucinex. You take just two doses (four tabs) of those and soon you won't even REMEMBER what a cough IS.

Hope little Dannydan doesn't get the cold and that you are feeling better and that you enjoy your Sunday morning, I always like thinking of you guys walking through your pretty green neighborhood (it's melting and muddy and yucky up here!) on Sunday mornings, walking for your bagels and then sneaking them into the cafe across the street so you can have "good coffee." I love mom and like seeing my aunt and all but next trip south is going to be "just for you guys," ok? I would like 3 or 4 days there, if you can stand it.

Talk to you later today Rita, I love you! Kiss and hug Tony and Danny for me! xoxoxoxoxoxoxo maura k

P.S. Thanks for snagging me a couple beanies, one can never have too many of such things

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Re: It was good

From: Rita Pressley LeDoux (ritaritasenorita@yahoo.com)
To: Maura Kelly (mauraswimgrrrl@yahoo.com)
Date: Fri, 4 Apr 2008 7:23:16 pm EDT
Subject: Re: It was good

Last things first Mauramodel: yes, not only do I still have connections for giveaway items, but have already MAILED the beanie to you! Two in fact... one for you, and one for that... special someone!!!!!

I called the girls and had them put a dozen or so aside for me. KNEW no way in hell I'd be down there tonight.

Because... ALL DAY I HAVE BEEN FUCKING MISERABLE AND FED UP AND HAD IT WITH THIS FUCKING COLD AND COUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!

How miserable? Let's examine, shall we, a transcript of an email I STARTED to type to you about noon and didn't finish or send:

"What is the worst thing about being a mom??? That when you're a mom and you're sick and at home with the baby while Tha Hubbsta works, guess what??? YOU'RE STILL THE MOM!!!!! There is not a mom there to take care of YOU and the baby... YOU TAKE CARE OF THE BABY AND YOU!!!! I have been at home alone all day, coughing my effing lungs out, sucking on halls and honees, wondering why the effing meds I got from Dr. Shockley haven't knock this out of my system. I am about at the end of my rope... frustrated with Dannydan (like it's HIS fault)"

Well... then... at 2 pm, EARLY by 90 minutes because he knew I felt sick, Tonybaloney came home!!!!!!!!!

I BAWLED MY HEAD OFF, and he hugged me nice and sent me to bed and I took a nice two hour nap... then when I got up we ordered out chinese (which I could not even TASTE) but wait... it gets better...

He made me.... HOT TODDIES.

I have never had a hot toddy. When I saw Brian and Margo at the game Monday (THAT didn't help either, sitting out in that damp stadium watching the Orioles LOSE on Monday), Margo kept saying "You need to suck down a couple toddies, Senorita," and Brian and I have talked about this. Like I told him, I would if I knew what it was. Somehow the medicinal use of WHISKEY skipped a generation in our family.

Thank God that Tony knew exactly what to do. I watched. So simple: shot of whiskey, tablespoon of honey, juice from a quarter lemon, topped off with hot tea (in this case, the first one was lapsang souchong, the second wild sweet orange) and except for the cough I just coughed, I haven't coughed ONCE in the last hour.

OK. I coughed a couple times. But I didn't CARE. And I feel all warm and snugglebunnyish.

So a fucking awful day turns around 180 degrees thanks to BOOZE!!!!

But enough about moi... Maura, I know I keep saying this on the phone but I am so happy that your mom came up to see you. And I know you're amazed to hear anyone say this, but I wish I was as close to my mom as you are to yours.

I knew, knowing your mom the little I do, that it wouldn't be "three days of therapy." But in a way, it was. Not being shrunk by a shrink, but getting the kind of mental and emotional energy and attention you needed.

We will come up sometime soon. Thought it'd be over Tony's break but the tournament had other plans. Who knew his team would suck all season and then come on strong in the tournament??

Hope you get to spend quality time with Todd.

Sorry this is disjointed, but one, we talked about most of it already, and two, damm, I'm DRUNK!!!!

Love you Maura, really happy for you and will talk tomorrow, at which time I hope I'm not coughing like a dying smoker. I'll try to toddy up first.

Love
Rita and Tony and Dannydan

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It was good

From: Maura Kelly (mauraswimgrrrl@yahoo.com)
To: Rita Pressley LeDoux (ritaritasenorita@yahoo.com)
Date: Fri, 4 Apr 2008 11:46:51 am EDT
Subject: It was good

Hi Rita. Mom just left for PA, we had breakfast at the Green Goddess and then she hit the road right from there.

It was a really good couple days, a good visit, not intense except for the first night when she got here, where I just let it all out with her and we laid on the bed and talked, actually fell asleep on my bed (felt a little funny sleeping with my mom but it also felt good, like it was just what I needed), then got up the next morning and just felt refreshed and like I had ENERGY. Took the camera out with her in tow and took shots down by the stream, didn't really do much of anything that I wouldn't have done normally except the difference was she was here and it felt so nice to feel like she cared, wanted to be there, all that. I know that sounds stupid but I always wondered growing up if she really loved me, if she didn't blame me for having to be a single mom, all that, and then with stuff that dumb fuck my "dad" Tom Stewart used to say about her, always questioning her parenting skills and abilities and whether or not she wanted to be a parent, I just always felt like an unwanted kid. But that she would come up here and spend three days with me, that just made me feel so good.

And I was really worried like I told you on the phone Monday that it was going to end up being three days of therapy, you know, too intense, "talking about things" constantly and just feeling stirred up, but really it was just the opposite. We got it all out when she got here Mon night, talked about it and fell asleep, got up the next morning and except for a couple conversations here and there we mainly just did other things.

Best thing is that we LAUGH so much, she is so funny and says "No one makes me laugh like you Maura, god." Went out to the nail (the Rusty Nail, a pickup joint here) on Wed nite and a couple guys were hitting on us, "You two are sisters, come on" etc THAT old line. And just laughing so hard, really my face hurt, just so much fun, so funny.

Cereally as you would say I miss her so much, so nice to have her up here and I love her, means so much to me that she would travel up here and do that.

So much more that I could say and I will when we talk but just wanted to let you know that it went the opposite of what I was afraid of, really made me feel better and close to her and so glad she came up. Had fun and got stuff out and all of it.

Still do not know what I want to DO about it. It's a real weird shift, going from feeling like I was the dumb bad girl who did something wrong naughty stupid etc by posing for those pics, not pushing his hand away, etc etc etc that it was therefore ALL MY FAULT, to realizing that HE was the one who took advantage, pushed me, and that legally its HIS fault.

Margo sent me links about all this though to read up on, I started looking at a couple but really just couldn't process.

And still could not give a LOT of details to mom.

She said "It's hard for me to not go forward and turn him in but if it's going to happen you're the one who's going to have to do it Maura, I'm not the one to decide."

But both of them telling me the same thing, there's nothing to be afraid of here.

And also what I thought, that if it happened to me, am I the only swimmer he's ever tried this shit on in twenty some years of coaching??

Skeeveball motherfucker.

OK anyway, I can feel my blood starting to boil.

THe big question for you is: can you score me an ORIOLES KNIT BEANIE??? Or don't you have connections for giveaways anymore??

I am going to go make tea and dive into the darkroom, make some prints of the pics I took Tuesday AM.

Love you and hope we talk today, I go into work at 4. xoxoxoxoxoxo love you maura k

P.S. Talked to TOdd briefly a few times, need to call him, seemed like it rang every time we were busy. But will see him tonight!!

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Re 2: GOing to vermont

From: Christine Kelly-Morone (christyswims@yahoo.com)
To: Margo Pressley (ledoux67@aol.com)
Date: Tue, 1 Apr 2008 5:53:38 pm EDT
Subject: Re: GOIng to vermont

Sweet that we slept in the same bed, I guess, lol, she kept kneeing me and she snores, lol.

I'm a little tired but wanted to check my email since you said you wrote me.

So glad I could come up and Maura was so happy to see me, we hugged each other for so long, like we just didn't want to let go, felt so good. She kept going "I'm so blown away you came up here mom." I know it's a long drive but I don't think of it as being any big deal. She is my DAUGHTER and this is one of the hardest things she has EVER gone through. If I wouldn't come up now, when would I? I love her and sometimes someone BEING THERE is the most important thing when you love someone. Didn't want to just say "I love you, I'm sorry" on the phone and leave it at that. Wanted to be there to hug her and let her FEEL that I love her. Which as I told her last night was something I didn't get enough of sometimes growing up, being one of eight with a dad who's gone in DC half the time can do that to you. I don't want to just SAY I'm there for you, I want to DO I'm there for you.

She is taking a nap right now, we might go out to supper in a little bit, I'm really not hungry yet but we'll see.

We talked for a long time last night, just laid on her bed and I held her and we talked, fell asleep doing that which was why I slept in there, just didn't feel like getting the futon ready and so we pulled the covers up and stayed put.

Today we were both a little wrung out and got up late, went to her favorite market for coffee and muffins (and BREAD!!!) and got soup for lunch. Tooled around the countryside a little, went to the base of the mountain but did not get out, just was not in the mood given the weather (it rained on and off all day, it's about 50 out probably). Good thing I decided not to strap my skis on the roof rack after all. If it's nicer tomorrow we might ride the gondola up to the peak.

My impressions of this place? Just beautiful and can see why she loves it and her apartment is HUGE. When you said it was big I was NOT picturing this and even in the pictures she sent it somehow didn't look this spacious. Love the open ceiling with the rafters and the view of the mountains.

Just feel a little woozy from everything but wanted to write you back. I'll write more when I feel like I can get my thoughts together more. Actually I may just go in and join her. If she won't knee me, lol.

She said thanks for the hug and the kiss and she'll talk to you and fill you in if I don't, lol.

Later Margo! xoxoxoxoxox love you christy

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Re: GOIng to vermont

From: ledoux67@aol.com
To: christyswims@yahoo.com
Date: Tue, 1 Apr 2008 10:01 am
Subject: Re: GOIng to vermont

Hey woman. Glad to talk to you this AM and glad your trip went well... and feeling "I don't even know the word" that you made a trip up there to be there with Maura. Happy? Proud? Impressed? I know you're just doing what you need to do but I know driving seven hours like that isn't a small deal, having made the trip ourselves.

I just

Damn

OK I'm TRYING lmaao. I just keep getting interrupted by WORK.

This morning when I got in I checked my messages same as ever, went and got tea, read this, was going to reply, you called. OK, so the reply got put on hold. Then we have our Tuesday meeting first period, so couldn't type for another 45 minutes. Then had two appointments stacked up one on top of the other. Then Trish went home sick and so I was out at the desk taking my turn there. Then another appointment, three phone calls. Every time I try to write this morning

It happened again! AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

So now as I type this it's 10:35 (the clock on the computer says 9:35; they STILL have not adjusted the times here for daylight savings. I keep setting it forward and then when I come in the next morning, it's set BACK. Where are the computer geek kids to fix stuff like this when you NEED them??????

I just shut the door. They're on their own till I finish this.

I don't want to call because I know you two are probably talking doing stuff etc etc. But really so happy that Maura decided to open up to you and tell you this, which had to have been eating away at her all these years. You know, when I saw her doing that website the modelling etc etc, part of me was thinking "OK, she's really just coming into her own as a woman, it's like her piercing her own lip, maybe it's not the way WE would do things but it's something SHE needs to do," and of course then as the modelling (GO AWAY! THE DOOR IS SHUT! lmaaaao) took her in another direction, feeling like "well this is good." But still the fact that it was NUDE modelling all the time (except for the Kohl's etc stuff)... even though she was modelling for life drawing classes, even though the work she did with Ron Snyder was artsy and got her in APERTURE and all that... still in the back of my mind there was always a part of me that felt like "She's acting out. This is really about something else." Not knowing WHAT it was about. And it struck me as really... I don't know... odd... that for something she said she enjoyed so much, as soon as she started to really have success with it and could have gone in one direction with it (the APERTURE thing really still just blows my mind and I know she must've gotten approached to do more shoots after that), she decided instead to go a whole other direction with it. Taking herself out from in FRONT of the camera and being BEHIND it.

Just always had a feeling there was a deep dark secret driving this. And now we know.

Just rereading that last big paragraph (do YOU ever do that? I do that all the time: re-read and revise) and it made me realize: I never really heard Maura say she "enjoyed" it, or if she did, I don't remember it. What I remember is her saying she FELT COMFORTABLE DOING IT.

That's what I think this all was about. Ten, eleven years of feeling comfortable with herself again... to the point that she could finally tell you what really happened.

And I just noticed that AOL is flagging my word "modelling." Doesn't that have two Ls? Rrrrrrrrrr.

Anyway, I am glad you made the trip. Not so bad is it?? Beautiful drive. (Interrupted AGAIN. I guess I have to open the door.)

It's hard for me to keep my train of thought here.

I can send you guys a couple links to information about how to deal with this sort of thing. Don't know what she wants to do but I think the thing she said kind of hints at how she feels and what she'd LIKE to do. "What if he's doing that to girls now??"

Basically I think all she'd have to do is come forward with the pictures and say what happened. Then if the police do an investigation, which I'm sure they would, they would interview other girls who swam for him to see if anyone else comes forward.

Pretty sure since it happened when she was a minor that she would be protected to a point if

NOW YOU'RE INTERRUPTING ME ON THE PHONE!! CAN'T A GENIE TAKE A BAAAATHH??? lmaaao.

I'm still going to send this...

That's sweet by the way that you slept in the same bed last night. She needed her mom to give her a big all night hug. I think she's just wanted to be CLOSE to you like this for a long time and that's why even though this all sucks, it's making you two closer and that is so good. It's what you've really wanted all along, right??

Before

AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! I CAN'T EVEN TYPE "BEFORE SOMEONE ELSE INTERRUPTS ME" WITHOUT BEING INTERRUPTED!!!!!

I'm going to hit send now and cut my losses. Talk later! Hug and kiss your daughter for me... tell her I'm here if she needs to talk. xoxoxoxoxox me!!

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Re: Gas money

From: Rita Pressley-LeDoux (ritaritasenorita@yahoo.com)
To: Maura Kelly (mauraswimgrrrl@yahoo.com)
Date: Tue, 1 Apr 2008 3:24:19 am EDT
Subject: Re: Gas money

This one almost got lost... awwwwwww... that's nice Maura. Dads are great. And Marty IS your dad now. I agree with your mom: send a card.

About ready to doze off sitting here... wow... the gelcaps don't hit me like this. I wonder if this shit has ALCOHOL in it... senorita reads label.... first ingredient... but there has to be something ELSE in it.... something that... makes me... very... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz... thwak!! oiangg'90234u[-2948u6t[-429tu

Love,
Rita

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Re: Mom knows

From: Rita (ritaritasenorita@yahoo.com)
To: Maura Kelly (mauraswimgrrrl@yahoo.com)
Date: Tue, 1 Apr 2008 3:21:07 am EDT
Subject: Re: Mom knows

The "only Tony gets up to feed Dannydan during the night" theory works only in THEORY, I'm here at 3 AM to tell you. GOt up about an hour ago and he was just wailing like a siren, poor little guy, and from the moment I hear him, no, I can't just stay in bed and let Tony "go take care of him" and he can't stay in bed and just let ME go take care of him. We try to stick to the "deal" but what always ends up happening is that we BOTH get up, since we both ARE up. And then once Dannydan's calmed down HE goes back to sleep (Tony) (although Dannydan does too) and ~~ I ~~ am still up.

So that's when I get up and write you.

I am fighting a cold AGAIN. Took some liquid nyquil... I am used to the gelcaps and didn't know the liquid had this pleasing LICORICE flavor. Uck.

Even though we talked yesterday I still had to write you. I'm so glad you and your mom talked... that must have been so hard and of COURSE she wanted to come up to see you and wouldn't hesitate. This is a pretty big deal, Maura... something coming out in the open that's been behind the scenes for what now... ten years? Something that she "had a feeling" was wrong and sort of suspected the worse and now she KNOWS the worse (that should be "worst" I guess, huh). I guess not every mom in the world would drive eight hours to come see her grown daughter and be there for her in a crisis but your mom is not "every mom."

Anyway I am so happy for you that she is there.

I don't know what you should do next about all this but damn, I can't believe you have the pictures. Maura, you were one ballsy girl in high school. That must've been like mission impossible, you sneaking into his office and getting those pictures off his computer. And DON'T SECOND GUESS YOURSELF. The last thing you were probably thinking back then was to report him; you just didn't want HIM having the pictures. You went with a part of you that knew SOMETHING was wrong about it even though you maybe weren't sure what to DO about it. So you were 15! You give credit to DAVE... well give YOURSELF a little credit for initiative... YOU SNUCK INTO THE PERV'S OFFICE AND HACKED HIS COMPUTER AND TOOK THE FILES!!!!!!!!! How many 15 year old girls in your shoes can do THAT??

You are one of a kind Maura.

I think it's true what you said: you'll feel better now that you've gotten it out.

And you will also feel better being with your mom, since I KNOW a lot of the distance you say you've felt with her has come from how you felt about all this and what you thought she'd think, how she'd respond, etc etc etc.

3:15. I am drowsy now... Nyquil kicking in.

I've said a lot of what I wanted to say but one more thing: so funny to me how you say there has always been DISTANCE between you and your mom, and a lot of it was from this. And look: you brought THIS out into the open and what does she do? She drives 8 hours to be with you... she closes the distance between you. A nice symbolic act as my brother would say.

Anyhoo.... I'm going back to bed. I think I was up and antsy because I just wanted to make contact with you.

The less said about that rainy drizzly debacle of a 6-2 opening day loss we went to yesterday, the better. Opening day is always fun, but it'd be funner if we would WIN. But always fun to go see my brother and Margo and Becca at the ballpark. And nice to still be able to retreat to EMPLOYEE ONLY dry areas with everyone (esp Dannydan) when it starts pouring biblically.

I watched the ballgirl sitting in my old seat by the left field tarp, getting soaked, and I thought "Damn, that was a fun summer. That was a fun job. She's soaked. Better her than me!"

Hard to believe that in a month I am going to be back working there. It's a fun job and I don't really mind. Plus it will just be part time.

OK... off to bed Maura.... I love you and I am here for you too, although I can't drive 10 hours to see you. But I am there in spirit, sister!

Love
Rita

P.S. No I don't think that you getting up this morning and saying APRIL FOOLS to your mom would be a good idea.

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GOIng to vermont

From: Christine Kelly-Morone (christyswims@yahoo.com)
To: Margo Pressley (ledoux67@aol.com)
Date: Mon, 31 Mar 2008 09:47:22 am EDT
Subject: GOIng to vermont

Quick. Had quite a call with Maura last night. Will fill you in when i call later but the upshot, I'm going up to Vermont for a few days, my daughter needs me and I need to be with her.

All I'll say for now is about Coach Fry, I was right. "Something happened" to Maura with him allright. Pretty bad stuff. I always had a feeling and she told me last night, now I know.

Feel so bad about it, can't wait to get in the car alone and cry.

Can't wait to SEE her mainly.

So I'll call (handsfree) when I'm on the road. I know you're busy today and can't talk at your leisure, that's ok. Just want to let you know I'm not home, I'm on the road, it's kind of last minute and I'll be up there till Thursday, maybe Friday.

Later! xoxoxoxoxoxo love you christy

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Re: How did you know??

From: Christine Kelly-Morone (christyswims@yahoo.com)
To: Maura (mauraswimgrrrl@yahoo.com)
Date: Mon, 31 Mar 2008 09:43:58 am EDT
Subject: Re: How do you know??

Hi sweetie, we can talk more about this when I see you tonight but since you said "write back not call" and tell you, I will.

I just never had a good feeling about him. It was a vague feeling that he was up to something, that there was something not right there, just a feeling that he was someone I didn't want you around. It was just a feeling but STRONG, vague only because I couldn't put a finger on what it was but knew it was SOMETHING. Realizing what it MIGHT be came in hindsight when I was working at the Y and I saw him with his students-swim teams and felt like he was just inappropriate, patting girls on the butt occasionally and other borderline inappropriate physical contact, calling them honey baby sweetie etc. A "good coach" if girls swimming well for him, district titles, girls going to states etc is any standard, and a lot of them have gone on to bigger and better things, D1 schools, etc, but still "seeing him in action" just made me feel creepy and felt like it "connected dots" although I still didn't really KNOW anything.

Anyway I was complaining to Margo about him one time that I'd watched him at a practice, him babying and honeying these girls, just seemed wrong, anyway I told Margo about this and she said "He was Maura's coach that one year wasn't he? God it's a good thing you got her away from HIM." And that was when I realized yeah, I didn't want you around him. The vague feeling was strong enough to make me think "Get your daughter away." Not realizing.

Anyway I just didn't like him, couldn't figure it out, figured it was just that he was a lech but he wasn't the only lech I'd ever run into, why did HE rub me the wrong way so much? ANd now I know.

Maura again I am so sorry you went through this. I love you. I am your mom and at that age you were my responsibility and so it's hard for me not to feel like I failed you in some way. I saw signs and I didn't read them right, I should have protected you, I feel so awful about it honey. Love you and feel so sorry that it happened and that it fucked you up.

But you are such a great woman, a great person, so strong and someone I am so proud of. And you are that way in spite of this happening and in some ways as a result. You will be fine, I know that, I love you, I just wish I'd known and DONE something about it back then. I am so so sorry.

And so I need to come up there to be with you because I feel like I wasn't there for you back then, I guess is my answer when you said I really don't have to come up. My answer is I DO and I CAN so I AM.

Marty is going to take personal time this week and stay home with Maggie so it's not a problem. He said he might take her down to his parents for a few days, visit with them.

I'm going to go toss a suitcase together and will call when I leave the house. Should be about 45 minutes.

I will also bring my skis even though it looks like RAIN the next few days.

I love you sweetie!! Love you love you love you my daughter! xoxoxoxoxoxo Mom

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PS

From: Maura Kelly (mauraswimgrrrl@yahoo.com)
To: Rita (ritaritasenorita@yahoo.com)
Date: Mon, 31 Mar 2008 09:27:58 AM EDT
Subject: PS

Just was thinking Rita, telling mom was easier because I'd already told YOU, I felt so scared to tell you all that stuff when I told you, thought you might think I was a bad person-gross all that and not be my friend anymore, and that was BULLSHIT, and so I thought of that and thought of you when I was talking to mom and I knew since it worked out all right with you, it'd work out all right with her. I love you! Breakfast now! xoxoxoxoxo maura k

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Mom knows

From: Maura Kelly (mauraswimgrrrl@yahoo.com)
To: Rita (ritaritasenorita@yahoo.com)
Date: Mon, 31 Mar 2008 06:11:36 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: Mom knows

Mom knows what happened Rita. We were on the phone yest aft before I went to work and we were talking about thurs nite at the restaurant, seeing that guy but also about coach Fry and I was trying to make a joke of it because I kind of didn't want to talk about it, get all upset before I went in for work, and I said "You really don't like him do you mom?" And she said "no, and I realize I never had much contact with the man, just saw him at your meets but then when I took the job at the y I got to see him in action and I just always thought he was a leering transparent inappropriate pig who doesnt' respect his girls boundaries and if I didn't know better, I'd swear to god that he tried something with you back then.You know?" Well I just was quiet and she said "Maura, DID he try something?" And I just had to tell her YES. TOld her basically the whole thing, about how he started out taking pictures of me in my swimsuit and that next thing I know I'm in the locker room posing nude, going over to his house, no sex but all picture taking, that's what those "late practices" were, and then finally the pool pictures, and she just said "Oh my god. So those pictures you posted on the internet a few years ago were taken when you were 15? I thought there was something wrong about them" ANd I said YES, THERE WAS, THAT WAS WHY I TOOK THEM DOWN AND PULLED OUT OF THE SITE WITH THOSE GIRLS, BUT WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO TELL YOU THEN???

Told her about the bus ride back from districts freshman year and sitting in that little bus next to him and feeling his hand creeping up my leg and NOT STOPPING HIM.

"So I was right. I knew something happened."

She was crying, "Maura I'm so sorry, really, I'm sorry. I did what I could, I got you out of there. I just had a feeling but I didn't know for sure. I wish I'd asked, I wish I'd pushed you." And meanwhile I'm a mess, going "it's all right, I wish I'd TOLD you, I was afraid, I felt like I was already in enough trouble with you." And she said "Maura you're my daughter, you were difficult sometimes but I love you, I wanted to protect you, if I'd known that was going on I would have stood up for you."

I said "so that was why we moved to Gettysburg?" and she said "No, no, it was mainly because I wanted to get us--get you--away from your dad. But I just had this FEELING that there was something else going on that I needed to get you away from and that guy always made me feel creepy. And then a couple years ago seeing him in action at the Y, I really just came to hate him, I'd just see him with those girls and I'd think "God I'm glad Maura didn't keep swimming for him."

She said she wants to come up here, I said "Mom it's eight hours up here, what'll you do with Maggie, you can't do that." And she said "Maura I just want to be there for you." So maybe she's coming up, I don't know. I didn't talk to her today.

ANyway after THAT I had WORK. Had to pull myself together, put a face on, feeling all wrung out and drained from crying and having the truth wrung out of me (I was the one who did the wringing) (by the way I ALSO told her about screwing the guy in the pickup truck, the whole thing. I'd given her some song and dance about it back then and she knew, she said "Maura, I can always tell when your stories don't add up. I may not be able to figure out what's really going on but I know what ISN'T".

So like I said after all that, WORK. I pulled myself together, got in there about ten minutes late, thought I was doing ok, pulled together, all that, I clock in, first person I see is Todd, he looks right at me and says "Maura, are you all right?" and I just started crying again. Went back into Dingdong's office and he sat with me and held me, I didn't tell him details but he was so sweet, he held me while I cried which was just what I needed. After that I felt sort of ok and I pulled myself together AGAIN and made it through the night. Thank god it wasn't busy and we were done early, TOdd had to go back to WRJ last night but before I left he hugged me again, kissed me, said to call him at his parents if I needed him, then when I left he called from the road and said if I wanted to come down there and be with him I could, he'd give me directions. I said I didn't know, I'd think about it.

And now Mom just called and said she's booked a flight to Burlington and is coming up, Martydad is going to take a couple days off work and watch Maggie.

I love my mom but I want to be with TODD!!!!

But I think mom and me need to work this all out first.

I hate being 25 years old and feeling like I WANT MY MOMMY!!!!! I NEED MY MOMMY!!!! But I do, wouldn't want to ASK her to come up but I am so glad she is.

She said she'll call when she's on the road. Flying from Harrisburg to Philly to Burlington.

I just looked at expedia and that's $700 almost!!!! For something that's more trouble than driving.

I called her back and said "Why not drive?" and she said "I want to get up there" and I said "But look at how long the flight is, you're almost spending as much time to fly as you would to drive. If you leave now you'll be here by supper." So she cancelled the flight and is driving.

"Flying just feels faster that's all."

I'm going to get off line, Rita, it's been a hard last few days but I feel a little better, just wrung out and now also wondering what I should do about all this, should I turn the guy in, what now??

Those pictures from the pool have the time stamp (03/09/1997) right on them in the corner (when I used them for the site I cropped them) and also in the PROPERTIES of the picture. Get this, he had those pictures on the PC in his office at the school!!!! As soon as I had them taken I felt like there was something wrong, I knew a boy (David Asch) who was a computer geek who I always felt like kind of had a crush on me, and one of the things those guys did in high school was "work on faculty computers." I told him I had a problem with someone who stole files from me and had them on their computer and I wanted to get on and delete them. He said "who?" I didn't tell him WHAT specifically but told him "Coach Fry" and of course he could get user id, passwords etc for every PC in the school and he told me how to find files, copy, delete, etc etc etc. Snuck me a laptop out of the computer room so I could copy them and put them onto a CD. Did it after school one day. It took forfreakingEVER to find the pictures on his computer and the whole time I was scared someone would come in. ANyway I copied them to the laptop, deleted them from his computer and I don't know if he ever knew what happened to them. Although he probably had them at home, or maybe not.

Can you believe though that someone like that would keep that stuff on their work computer at a school? Nude pictures of an underage student???? It's almost like he WANTED to get caught. Or maybe he felt safer having them there than at home where wife might find.

I haven't thought about Dave in a long time. He could've really gotten in trouble for doing that. How did HE know what I was doing? Someone like him had to have got a lot of "requests." But he gave me the laptop, cables, a CD burner, wrote down how to do what I needed to do step by step, where to look. If it hadn't been for him I would have NOTHING on that pig.

He was an angel. I wish I could find him and say hi.

Say THANK YOU.

I am wrung out.

I need breakfast.

I need a drink. NOT a boilermaker.

Talk later Rita. I love you! xoxoxoxoxoxo maura k

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How did you know?

From: Maura Kelly (mauraswimgrrrl@yahoo.com)
To: Mom (christyswims@yahoo.com)
Date: Mon, 31 Mar 2008 08:25:52 am EDT
Subject: How did you know??

My big question is, how did you KNOW "something happened" with Coach Fry??

Write back and tell me, don't call, I feel wrung out from talking and crying last nite.

I love you so much mom. xoxoxoxoxo maura

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