It was good
From: Maura Kelly (mauraswimgrrrl@yahoo.com)
To: Rita Pressley LeDoux (ritaritasenorita@yahoo.com)
Date: Fri, 4 Apr 2008 11:46:51 am EDT
Subject: It was good
Hi Rita. Mom just left for PA, we had breakfast at the Green Goddess and then she hit the road right from there.
It was a really good couple days, a good visit, not intense except for the first night when she got here, where I just let it all out with her and we laid on the bed and talked, actually fell asleep on my bed (felt a little funny sleeping with my mom but it also felt good, like it was just what I needed), then got up the next morning and just felt refreshed and like I had ENERGY. Took the camera out with her in tow and took shots down by the stream, didn't really do much of anything that I wouldn't have done normally except the difference was she was here and it felt so nice to feel like she cared, wanted to be there, all that. I know that sounds stupid but I always wondered growing up if she really loved me, if she didn't blame me for having to be a single mom, all that, and then with stuff that dumb fuck my "dad" Tom Stewart used to say about her, always questioning her parenting skills and abilities and whether or not she wanted to be a parent, I just always felt like an unwanted kid. But that she would come up here and spend three days with me, that just made me feel so good.
And I was really worried like I told you on the phone Monday that it was going to end up being three days of therapy, you know, too intense, "talking about things" constantly and just feeling stirred up, but really it was just the opposite. We got it all out when she got here Mon night, talked about it and fell asleep, got up the next morning and except for a couple conversations here and there we mainly just did other things.
Best thing is that we LAUGH so much, she is so funny and says "No one makes me laugh like you Maura, god." Went out to the nail (the Rusty Nail, a pickup joint here) on Wed nite and a couple guys were hitting on us, "You two are sisters, come on" etc THAT old line. And just laughing so hard, really my face hurt, just so much fun, so funny.
Cereally as you would say I miss her so much, so nice to have her up here and I love her, means so much to me that she would travel up here and do that.
So much more that I could say and I will when we talk but just wanted to let you know that it went the opposite of what I was afraid of, really made me feel better and close to her and so glad she came up. Had fun and got stuff out and all of it.
Still do not know what I want to DO about it. It's a real weird shift, going from feeling like I was the dumb bad girl who did something wrong naughty stupid etc by posing for those pics, not pushing his hand away, etc etc etc that it was therefore ALL MY FAULT, to realizing that HE was the one who took advantage, pushed me, and that legally its HIS fault.
Margo sent me links about all this though to read up on, I started looking at a couple but really just couldn't process.
And still could not give a LOT of details to mom.
She said "It's hard for me to not go forward and turn him in but if it's going to happen you're the one who's going to have to do it Maura, I'm not the one to decide."
But both of them telling me the same thing, there's nothing to be afraid of here.
And also what I thought, that if it happened to me, am I the only swimmer he's ever tried this shit on in twenty some years of coaching??
Skeeveball motherfucker.
OK anyway, I can feel my blood starting to boil.
THe big question for you is: can you score me an ORIOLES KNIT BEANIE???
Or don't you have connections for giveaways anymore??
I am going to go make tea and dive into the darkroom, make some prints of the pics I took Tuesday AM.
Love you and hope we talk today, I go into work at 4. xoxoxoxoxoxo love you maura k
P.S. Talked to TOdd briefly a few times, need to call him, seemed like it rang every time we were busy. But will see him tonight!!
To: Rita Pressley LeDoux (ritaritasenorita@yahoo.com)
Date: Fri, 4 Apr 2008 11:46:51 am EDT
Subject: It was good
Hi Rita. Mom just left for PA, we had breakfast at the Green Goddess and then she hit the road right from there.
It was a really good couple days, a good visit, not intense except for the first night when she got here, where I just let it all out with her and we laid on the bed and talked, actually fell asleep on my bed (felt a little funny sleeping with my mom but it also felt good, like it was just what I needed), then got up the next morning and just felt refreshed and like I had ENERGY. Took the camera out with her in tow and took shots down by the stream, didn't really do much of anything that I wouldn't have done normally except the difference was she was here and it felt so nice to feel like she cared, wanted to be there, all that. I know that sounds stupid but I always wondered growing up if she really loved me, if she didn't blame me for having to be a single mom, all that, and then with stuff that dumb fuck my "dad" Tom Stewart used to say about her, always questioning her parenting skills and abilities and whether or not she wanted to be a parent, I just always felt like an unwanted kid. But that she would come up here and spend three days with me, that just made me feel so good.
And I was really worried like I told you on the phone Monday that it was going to end up being three days of therapy, you know, too intense, "talking about things" constantly and just feeling stirred up, but really it was just the opposite. We got it all out when she got here Mon night, talked about it and fell asleep, got up the next morning and except for a couple conversations here and there we mainly just did other things.
Best thing is that we LAUGH so much, she is so funny and says "No one makes me laugh like you Maura, god." Went out to the nail (the Rusty Nail, a pickup joint here) on Wed nite and a couple guys were hitting on us, "You two are sisters, come on" etc THAT old line. And just laughing so hard, really my face hurt, just so much fun, so funny.
Cereally as you would say I miss her so much, so nice to have her up here and I love her, means so much to me that she would travel up here and do that.
So much more that I could say and I will when we talk but just wanted to let you know that it went the opposite of what I was afraid of, really made me feel better and close to her and so glad she came up. Had fun and got stuff out and all of it.
Still do not know what I want to DO about it. It's a real weird shift, going from feeling like I was the dumb bad girl who did something wrong naughty stupid etc by posing for those pics, not pushing his hand away, etc etc etc that it was therefore ALL MY FAULT, to realizing that HE was the one who took advantage, pushed me, and that legally its HIS fault.
Margo sent me links about all this though to read up on, I started looking at a couple but really just couldn't process.
And still could not give a LOT of details to mom.
She said "It's hard for me to not go forward and turn him in but if it's going to happen you're the one who's going to have to do it Maura, I'm not the one to decide."
But both of them telling me the same thing, there's nothing to be afraid of here.
And also what I thought, that if it happened to me, am I the only swimmer he's ever tried this shit on in twenty some years of coaching??
Skeeveball motherfucker.
OK anyway, I can feel my blood starting to boil.
THe big question for you is: can you score me an ORIOLES KNIT BEANIE???
Or don't you have connections for giveaways anymore??I am going to go make tea and dive into the darkroom, make some prints of the pics I took Tuesday AM.
Love you and hope we talk today, I go into work at 4. xoxoxoxoxoxo love you maura k
P.S. Talked to TOdd briefly a few times, need to call him, seemed like it rang every time we were busy. But will see him tonight!!
posted by Max | 9:21 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home