Re2: It was good
From: Maura Kelly (mauraswimgrrrl@yahoo.com)
To: Rita Pressley LeDoux (ritaritasenorita@yahoo.com)
Date: Sun, 6 Apr 2008 05:38:55 am EDT
Subject: Re: It was good
Rita re your cold, I keep telling you, I know you hate taking meds but MUCINEX, that fixed me right up. A couple days of intermittant coughing after I started taking it and then I was healed. My coughs were "more productive" (that was what the box says
), I hacked a little first thing in the AM and then the rest of the day was good. And after a few days nothing, back to normal.
As you can see I am up, I am up because it was an early night, it was an early night because it wasn't busy and because Todd and I did NOT really see each other or do anything. I don't know Rita, I have a bad feeling. I opened up to him and told him all this shit after mom left Thurs night, talked a LONG time on the phone and told him basically all the stuff that happened that I told her about, plus a lot of other stuff, just opened up to him, felt like I could. Noticed as we talked that he didn't seem to have much to say about it, but then when I saw him Fri he just seemed DISTANT, and same last night, just distant. We hugged and he kissed me almost too quick, or maybe it was just me needing more and feeling like ANY way he kissed me would be too quick, I don't know.
I just worry that I told him too much, opened up too much, like now he saw a side of me that he didn't realize was there, that now he thinks I'm some SLUT and not the nice girl he thought, but some girl with a slutty past.
I just wanted to take his hand and bring him back to my place last night and have him hold me all night on my bed the way mom held me when she came up Monday. But he had to go take care of his kids.
I just wonder if anything can happen with him.
He says he will be up here all summer once the kids school ends.
Or maybe he was preoccupied with something too.
JUst hard for me not to think that it wasn't responding to me and what I told him since that's the only thing I know that changed between us, is that I told him about the modeling and the website and asshole coach taking the pictures and truckfuck and all of it.
And couldn't sleep for it either, went to bed at 10:30 when I got back, tossed and turned, took basically a bunch of naps through the night and now it's 5 am.
I don't even feel like taking the fucking camera out.
Life sucks at the moment.
I know I'm confused and distraught when I start thinking and wondering about LUKE, who I also told this stuff to, but who didn't freak out or get distant about it, maybe because he knew the stuff about the modeling going in, that was how he FOUND me, and we did a lot of that artsy modeling TOGETHER, if it hadn't been for that, we wouldn't have met. Pissed at him that he was such a big baby and then think "well look at what you were carrying around inside you Maura, how can you blame him?"
Listening to the girls talking about "how guys are" at work last night and thinking why do women always take that same old tack of bullshit of complaining about "how guys are" like ALL GUYS are ONE WAY, act one way. But then the whole time feeling distant from Todd, thinking "he's not that way" and yet he's some other way that made me feel distant.
Sometimes I just don't know if it's me or him or what.
I feel something for him and that something said to tell him what I was going through because he said that if I needed him, needed to be with him, call him, I could come down, all that. That made me think he was there for me, but then when I just needed to feel normal around him the last two nights, I just felt weird.
Was it me or him, do you think? SHould I have opened up to him?
I'm reading what you wrote so I get out of myself. I'm sorry you are not close to your mom, Rita. I know you've figured out that she tries and gives you what she can in her own way. And you have said she is better since you had Dannydan. I think that mom and me had a breakthrough because in a lot of ways I was holding back from her. Are you holding anything back from your mom? Or do you think maybe vice versa?
But like you say you have always had Margo to talk to, and your brothers. I like the way you put it one time: "I'm just guy oriented." See my dad was in my life intermittently and he was f'd up, but I thought he was normal, thing was he f'd ME up, till I realized that MOM was the normal loving one and HE was poison. YOU though had two loving parents and I know you say you have always been closer to your dad and to Brian and Danny (brother) (I still am not sure when I say "Danny" if you're sure I mean your brother or your son) and of course your best friend /husband is also a man, but your mom also made you who you were. I see that with my dad. I hate to say it but he made me a lot of who I am. He was kind of artsy (painter) and so I always kind of saw that as something cool that I wanted to do myself.
He just didn't want to have anything to do with the work of having me as a daughter. If he could just have me on the weekend and send me home, that was good enough for him, and like I've told you a million times, those weekends I'd visit him, it was like I didn't even see him, I'd just eat there and then go hang out.
So getting back on track here, just the little I know your mom I see a lot of her in you, and not just "bad things" (you know what I mean, the things that you do that annoy you, that make you scream I'M JUST LIKE MY MOTHER!! to yourself) but your gentleness, the way you give to people around you like you say she does.
If there's something that you feel like you need her to hold you for and make you feel better about, maybe the way you need to get her to do it is to take the risk and open up to her and that will give her the window, the opportunity to get closer. Maybe she doesn't even know you NEED that. probably she misses being close to you as much as you miss being close to her. That was the one thing that mom kept saying most of all: "I miss you so much sweetie." I miss her too.
There was something else but I lost my train of thought. I'm going to go nuke my coffee and see if it comes back to me.
It didn't
I could keep whining and writing but we will talk later today and it's better to whine interactively so I'll save it
Just glad that Tony did the right thing and made you feel better when he got home and fixed you up with toddies!!! It's almost like he has someone here helping give him ideas
Those always fixed me up when I was sick but the best thing like I said is Mucinex. You take just two doses (four tabs) of those and soon you won't even REMEMBER what a cough IS.
Hope little Dannydan doesn't get the cold and that you are feeling better and that you enjoy your Sunday morning, I always like thinking of you guys walking through your pretty green neighborhood (it's melting and muddy and yucky up here!) on Sunday mornings, walking for your bagels and then sneaking them into the cafe across the street so you can have "good coffee." I love mom and like seeing my aunt and all but next trip south is going to be "just for you guys," ok? I would like 3 or 4 days there, if you can stand it.
Talk to you later today Rita, I love you! Kiss and hug Tony and Danny for me! xoxoxoxoxoxoxo maura k
P.S. Thanks for snagging me a couple beanies, one can never have too many of such things
To: Rita Pressley LeDoux (ritaritasenorita@yahoo.com)
Date: Sun, 6 Apr 2008 05:38:55 am EDT
Subject: Re: It was good
Rita re your cold, I keep telling you, I know you hate taking meds but MUCINEX, that fixed me right up. A couple days of intermittant coughing after I started taking it and then I was healed. My coughs were "more productive" (that was what the box says
), I hacked a little first thing in the AM and then the rest of the day was good. And after a few days nothing, back to normal.As you can see I am up, I am up because it was an early night, it was an early night because it wasn't busy and because Todd and I did NOT really see each other or do anything. I don't know Rita, I have a bad feeling. I opened up to him and told him all this shit after mom left Thurs night, talked a LONG time on the phone and told him basically all the stuff that happened that I told her about, plus a lot of other stuff, just opened up to him, felt like I could. Noticed as we talked that he didn't seem to have much to say about it, but then when I saw him Fri he just seemed DISTANT, and same last night, just distant. We hugged and he kissed me almost too quick, or maybe it was just me needing more and feeling like ANY way he kissed me would be too quick, I don't know.
I just worry that I told him too much, opened up too much, like now he saw a side of me that he didn't realize was there, that now he thinks I'm some SLUT and not the nice girl he thought, but some girl with a slutty past.
I just wanted to take his hand and bring him back to my place last night and have him hold me all night on my bed the way mom held me when she came up Monday. But he had to go take care of his kids.
I just wonder if anything can happen with him.
He says he will be up here all summer once the kids school ends.
Or maybe he was preoccupied with something too.
JUst hard for me not to think that it wasn't responding to me and what I told him since that's the only thing I know that changed between us, is that I told him about the modeling and the website and asshole coach taking the pictures and truckfuck and all of it.
And couldn't sleep for it either, went to bed at 10:30 when I got back, tossed and turned, took basically a bunch of naps through the night and now it's 5 am.
I don't even feel like taking the fucking camera out.
Life sucks at the moment.
I know I'm confused and distraught when I start thinking and wondering about LUKE, who I also told this stuff to, but who didn't freak out or get distant about it, maybe because he knew the stuff about the modeling going in, that was how he FOUND me, and we did a lot of that artsy modeling TOGETHER, if it hadn't been for that, we wouldn't have met. Pissed at him that he was such a big baby and then think "well look at what you were carrying around inside you Maura, how can you blame him?"
Listening to the girls talking about "how guys are" at work last night and thinking why do women always take that same old tack of bullshit of complaining about "how guys are" like ALL GUYS are ONE WAY, act one way. But then the whole time feeling distant from Todd, thinking "he's not that way" and yet he's some other way that made me feel distant.
Sometimes I just don't know if it's me or him or what.
I feel something for him and that something said to tell him what I was going through because he said that if I needed him, needed to be with him, call him, I could come down, all that. That made me think he was there for me, but then when I just needed to feel normal around him the last two nights, I just felt weird.
Was it me or him, do you think? SHould I have opened up to him?
I'm reading what you wrote so I get out of myself. I'm sorry you are not close to your mom, Rita. I know you've figured out that she tries and gives you what she can in her own way. And you have said she is better since you had Dannydan. I think that mom and me had a breakthrough because in a lot of ways I was holding back from her. Are you holding anything back from your mom? Or do you think maybe vice versa?
But like you say you have always had Margo to talk to, and your brothers. I like the way you put it one time: "I'm just guy oriented." See my dad was in my life intermittently and he was f'd up, but I thought he was normal, thing was he f'd ME up, till I realized that MOM was the normal loving one and HE was poison. YOU though had two loving parents and I know you say you have always been closer to your dad and to Brian and Danny (brother) (I still am not sure when I say "Danny" if you're sure I mean your brother or your son) and of course your best friend /husband is also a man, but your mom also made you who you were. I see that with my dad. I hate to say it but he made me a lot of who I am. He was kind of artsy (painter) and so I always kind of saw that as something cool that I wanted to do myself.
He just didn't want to have anything to do with the work of having me as a daughter. If he could just have me on the weekend and send me home, that was good enough for him, and like I've told you a million times, those weekends I'd visit him, it was like I didn't even see him, I'd just eat there and then go hang out.
So getting back on track here, just the little I know your mom I see a lot of her in you, and not just "bad things" (you know what I mean, the things that you do that annoy you, that make you scream I'M JUST LIKE MY MOTHER!! to yourself) but your gentleness, the way you give to people around you like you say she does.
If there's something that you feel like you need her to hold you for and make you feel better about, maybe the way you need to get her to do it is to take the risk and open up to her and that will give her the window, the opportunity to get closer. Maybe she doesn't even know you NEED that. probably she misses being close to you as much as you miss being close to her. That was the one thing that mom kept saying most of all: "I miss you so much sweetie." I miss her too.
There was something else but I lost my train of thought. I'm going to go nuke my coffee and see if it comes back to me.
It didn't
I could keep whining and writing but we will talk later today and it's better to whine interactively so I'll save it
Just glad that Tony did the right thing and made you feel better when he got home and fixed you up with toddies!!! It's almost like he has someone here helping give him ideas
Those always fixed me up when I was sick but the best thing like I said is Mucinex. You take just two doses (four tabs) of those and soon you won't even REMEMBER what a cough IS.Hope little Dannydan doesn't get the cold and that you are feeling better and that you enjoy your Sunday morning, I always like thinking of you guys walking through your pretty green neighborhood (it's melting and muddy and yucky up here!) on Sunday mornings, walking for your bagels and then sneaking them into the cafe across the street so you can have "good coffee." I love mom and like seeing my aunt and all but next trip south is going to be "just for you guys," ok? I would like 3 or 4 days there, if you can stand it.
Talk to you later today Rita, I love you! Kiss and hug Tony and Danny for me! xoxoxoxoxoxoxo maura k
P.S. Thanks for snagging me a couple beanies, one can never have too many of such things
posted by Max | 9:40 AM
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