E-pistolary

This site is a continuation of my online novel-in-email, xo bri xoxo me xoxoxo love you christy. Call it a soap opera in email.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Re: Thanks mom!

From: "Christine Kelly-Morone" (christyswims@yahoo.com)
To: "Maura Kelly" (mauraswimgrrrl@yahoo.com)
Date: Thursday, August 14, 2008 7:17 AM
Subject: Re: Thanks mom!

HI sweetie, I loved talking to you, loved having the phone ring in the car and see it was you, of course first thought when it rings that early is that there's some kind of an emergency but I know you know I'm just up now. This is my ME time, Marty's not up yet, Maggie's either not up or she's up looking at books or playing in her room. After 8 or so is when the shit hits the fan, so yeah, 4:30-8 is the time to call.

I always want to talk to you sweetie so never hesitate.

So as for you and Todd, I know that you guys need privacy to discuss adult things, finances, etc, lol, yeah, that's tricky.

Honey let me give you a different perspective. How did YOU feel when I was seeing Marty (or Brian for that matter those few months we were back in Gettysburg??)?? This will give you a clue to how to act, what to do around TOdd's kids, what THEY might be feeling. That's the answer to "You must've run into something like that." Of course I did but I was the one with the family, Marty was the one who was used to his independence and coming INTO the instant famly as you put it. I know he felt a little awkward, wanted you to like him etc etc.

The privacy thing, well, I can't speak to that, since as you know when Marty and I got married I was still a virgin on our wedding night lol.

Seriously I get exactly what you're saying sweetie. You are used to seeing Todd, being with Todd in a certain way, you want to enjoy that part of him and you two together WITHOUT kids. But honey it's not going to happen, he is a dad, he comes with the kids, he cares for them deeply and puts them first, and part of what you love about him after all IS that he is a dad, just as the part of him that is a dad loves the part of you that is fiercely independent.

Sounds to me like the way you described it that the physical space (their rooms on the upstairs floor, his room down on the second) makes privacy easier. At least if you two are together you do not have to worry about them hearing you move around through the wall or the ceiling if you know what I mean. But yeah it's not YOUR space and you can't drift around naked from room to room with your coffee, the kids are there and you have to deal with them, as you will have to deal with them if you two decide to take it further.

They LIKE you right? And you like them?

Sounds to me like you just want to have sleepovers at your place. In which case I say make it easier for Todd, if you want to have him over then find a sitter and pay for the sitter. But even withut doing that you can find ways around this. They have just moved to town so probably do not have friends there yet they can do things with. Dropping them at the library or at a movie or stuff will give you guys a couple hours. Come on Maura, you remember all the "activities" you had going, friends you did things with at night etc etc. You think Marty and I were sitting reading the bible while you were out?? These are little windows that will give you opportunities for togetherness even if the only togetherness you get is sitting and having a cup of coffee or watching tv etc, doing something where you are you two and not FOUR.

Keep in mind too that SCHOOL STARTS in less than three weeks, they will be there during the day. That means you and Todd will have your days free. He can come over to your place in the morning and you discuss finances and adult things till you're blue in the face, lol. School years have a different feel and flow to them than summer days do. As much as I am sad that Maggie is going off to pre-K half days this year, there's also a part of me that is singing Handel because that will give me four hours every morning where I will have the house to myself, will be able to get stuff done, catch up on things, work a couple mornings at the Y, and THEN when she comes home it will be all the more sweet.

With Todd's kids (still love his son's name, Neil Young) a lot of it right now is that they are new to town and living in what sounds like kind of a remote area, so Todd has to be involved with them, plus like I said it's their summer vacation but more than that it's a NEW HOME for them and they need him to feel safe, grounded, etc.

Probably need YOU too, like I said think about how you felt when I started seeing Marty. How did you feel about moving up here from Gettysburg (a year after we'd moved down THERE from State College?), how did you feel about me seeing this man, how did you feel about him? Did you want him to like you, did you like that I loved him and that he loved me, were you happy for me, jealous, angry, etc etc? Think about those things, remember how they felt to you, and that will give you a key to how they feel and how to handle all these things.

I don't think you're being whiny or selfish WANTING privacy and to be with him "without the kids." You had that and you miss it. And now that they're there, you're just going to have to take it when you can get it, find ways.

Best advice as Margo Pressley would put it would be to JUST FLOW WITH IT. Flow with it and love him and love them, BE PATIENT and realize that as their new lives in their new home unfold and they start meeting other kids and doing other things, stuff will happen.

And be glad he lives in a place where the kids rooms are on one floor and you two are on another, lol. Remember that place we had around the corner from our house now? Your room right outside mine and connected actually by the bathroom? That was a logistical nightmare when Marty would come over. And we just learned to "talk quietly."

I get what you're saying though, you want him to be over there with you. Be patient and find ways to make it happen, sweetie, it will.

Marty is up and now downstairs asking me why there's no coffee. Why it's around the corner at unimart, lol.

Difference between summer and band-football season: in summer, it's "Chris, you want some coffee?" In fall it's "Chris, where's the coffee?"

I probably should have started it but I wanted a cup of tea. He doesn't have to leave the house for another hour, he can get it going. Then I can ask HIM where it is.

I'm going to log off and go discuss adult things with my husband lol. Love talking to you sweetie, I'm glad you feel like you can talk to me, I miss you, so great to hear your voice and more than that to feel like I can help you through things, at least I hope I do.

Thinking of you and chat later I hope! xoxoxoxoxoxo love you mom

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