Re2: howdy dr p
From: "Carmen McRae Sanchez" (raesancheztralala@yahoo.com)
To: "Brian Pressley" (brianpressley14@aol.com)
Date: Thursday, August 14, 2008 9:42 am
Subject: Re: re: howdy dr p
ok dr p, well every time we talk or u send me a msg, there is 1 THING u say that gets me thinkin n realizin... n this time that 1 thing was n i quoth:
When I started out, incidentally, my answer was I DON'T KNOW! I AM DOING THIS TO FIND OUT!!!
this
shit! how do i turn the itals off??? im hittin the slanty i button n still its on. ok, good, i didnt want this 2 b an email ABOUT email, i have ISSUES to discuss n the sun's up, its gettin hot out, i play at the restaurant 2nite.
I AM A BUSY IMPORTANT PERSON AND MY TIME IS VALUABLE!!!!!!!!! goddammit haha
ne way THIS (or THAT) what u said is exactly how i feel.................
i do NOT know what i want, what "direction i wanna go," what "i wanna do with it." mainly just wanna go deeper in2 it n find out. bcuz what i've done (take a few classes, take lessons, play gigs) aint enough. its fun but its not enough, it just makes me wanna do MORE. makes me wanna delve in2 it n SEE WHAT the direction is.
i feel like theres some way i need 2 go that i haven't seen yet.
long ago figured out that whatever i wanted 2 do, fucking around playing gigs in smelly clubs or even sanitized clean tourist restaurants wasnt it, or wasnt ALL of it. its SOME of it. teaching is SOME of it. composition is SOME of it.
i havent put the pieces together. want to explore it n see what the pieces ARE.
and its like u n yr wifey say: it aint trade school. part of doing school IS to find out what u wanna do. one reason y i took 6 yrs 2 get a degree that shouldve taken me 4.
or 3 since i am a genius haha.
so just that little thing u wrote made me realize..... i felt kinda funny about it, hesitant 2 take th next step n go this fall like i really want 2 bcuz part of me doesnt know where 2 begin.
but yr saying there's nothing wrong w goin into it not knowing.
still think im goin 2 take the fall off, its been a long 6 years n i wanna have more of a vaca.
plus th chad factor, yes i admit, this is a factor. love th asshole n would love 2 be closer 2 him even if we r "just friends." just dont know if i wanna move 2 fucking MAINE. would be easier if he'd move down again so i could go 2 peabody or temple or someplace like that. miss palling around w him.
he'll learn.
but no contact recently, no. keep thinkin hell (hell, haha, theres a great one, i mean he will) send me an email or facebook me but no. n i dont wanna be th 1 2 contact him. n hes prob up there thinkin 'i dont wanna be th 1 2 contact her.' so no idea what hes up2 .
have his snail addy n will maybe send him a postcard.
or maybe not.
so part of th decision is a kind of WAIT AND SEE w him. im not much of a wait n see person, im more of a MAKE IT HAPPEN person. but got tired of slapping him around. n then of course when i really NEEDED him he tra la la'd off.
so n e way....
love th offer 2 come sleep over camp out whatever, labor day it will NOT be happening but maybe th week AFTER labor day, once "the offseason" has started n before im really NEEDED where im gonna be working. i of course am caretaker n so have 2 stay on during th week but on weekends theyll b here so............
its fucking 9:41 n im indoors. no more of this!!!!!
thx for yr email, it made me think n realize n feel better about feeling stuck, which i realize im not as much as i thought i was!!!!!
so over and out for now.... this is CARMEN MCRAE SANCHEZ about to go out into the bright sunny cape may day.........................................
To: "Brian Pressley" (brianpressley14@aol.com)
Date: Thursday, August 14, 2008 9:42 am
Subject: Re: re: howdy dr p
ok dr p, well every time we talk or u send me a msg, there is 1 THING u say that gets me thinkin n realizin... n this time that 1 thing was n i quoth:
When I started out, incidentally, my answer was I DON'T KNOW! I AM DOING THIS TO FIND OUT!!!
this
shit! how do i turn the itals off??? im hittin the slanty i button n still its on. ok, good, i didnt want this 2 b an email ABOUT email, i have ISSUES to discuss n the sun's up, its gettin hot out, i play at the restaurant 2nite.
I AM A BUSY IMPORTANT PERSON AND MY TIME IS VALUABLE!!!!!!!!! goddammit haha
ne way THIS (or THAT) what u said is exactly how i feel.................
i do NOT know what i want, what "direction i wanna go," what "i wanna do with it." mainly just wanna go deeper in2 it n find out. bcuz what i've done (take a few classes, take lessons, play gigs) aint enough. its fun but its not enough, it just makes me wanna do MORE. makes me wanna delve in2 it n SEE WHAT the direction is.
i feel like theres some way i need 2 go that i haven't seen yet.
long ago figured out that whatever i wanted 2 do, fucking around playing gigs in smelly clubs or even sanitized clean tourist restaurants wasnt it, or wasnt ALL of it. its SOME of it. teaching is SOME of it. composition is SOME of it.
i havent put the pieces together. want to explore it n see what the pieces ARE.
and its like u n yr wifey say: it aint trade school. part of doing school IS to find out what u wanna do. one reason y i took 6 yrs 2 get a degree that shouldve taken me 4.
or 3 since i am a genius haha.
so just that little thing u wrote made me realize..... i felt kinda funny about it, hesitant 2 take th next step n go this fall like i really want 2 bcuz part of me doesnt know where 2 begin.
but yr saying there's nothing wrong w goin into it not knowing.
still think im goin 2 take the fall off, its been a long 6 years n i wanna have more of a vaca.
plus th chad factor, yes i admit, this is a factor. love th asshole n would love 2 be closer 2 him even if we r "just friends." just dont know if i wanna move 2 fucking MAINE. would be easier if he'd move down again so i could go 2 peabody or temple or someplace like that. miss palling around w him.
he'll learn.
but no contact recently, no. keep thinkin hell (hell, haha, theres a great one, i mean he will) send me an email or facebook me but no. n i dont wanna be th 1 2 contact him. n hes prob up there thinkin 'i dont wanna be th 1 2 contact her.' so no idea what hes up2 .
have his snail addy n will maybe send him a postcard.
or maybe not.
so part of th decision is a kind of WAIT AND SEE w him. im not much of a wait n see person, im more of a MAKE IT HAPPEN person. but got tired of slapping him around. n then of course when i really NEEDED him he tra la la'd off.
so n e way....
love th offer 2 come sleep over camp out whatever, labor day it will NOT be happening but maybe th week AFTER labor day, once "the offseason" has started n before im really NEEDED where im gonna be working. i of course am caretaker n so have 2 stay on during th week but on weekends theyll b here so............
its fucking 9:41 n im indoors. no more of this!!!!!
thx for yr email, it made me think n realize n feel better about feeling stuck, which i realize im not as much as i thought i was!!!!!
so over and out for now.... this is CARMEN MCRAE SANCHEZ about to go out into the bright sunny cape may day.........................................
posted by Max | 6:57 AM
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