Re3: Sorry

From: Maura Kelly (mauraswimgrrrl@yahoo.com)
To: Rita Pressley (ritaritasenorita@yahoo.com)
Date: Tue, 27 May 2008 12:40:27 pm EDT
Subject: Re: Sorry


Ha, well if something like tings and coke are a meal, then I won't need another meal the rest of the day. Not eating tings and drinking coke, but having a 7 layer bar from the market (btw THEY MADE BANANA CRUNCH MUFFINS THIS WEEKEND!!! ) and a coffee, this is my third one of the morning. (7 layer bar) and all free!! Yesterday Todd called me and said "Maura if you want cheap food get to the market at 3, all of the baked stuff and entrees will be half off." Because they close during the week and can't keep the stuff around for 4 days till they reopen.

So I went there, Todd was in WRJ but his friend (Matt? Mac? Some "ma" name ) who works there said "You're Todd's friend right?" And I was picking out all this stuff for half off and he said "If you want to get it free come back at 5:30, 'cause whatever's left we'll just be throwing out." And I said "Well how do I know that what I want will still be here at 5:30?" And he said "Trust me, it will." So I picked out all this stuff that I wanted and he boxed it up for me, put it aside and at 5:25 I came back and picked it up. Four seven layer bars (the ones with the choco chips and coconut and graham crackers and butterscotch, I realize that's only four layers but still), three blondies, two brownies, a broken oatmeal raisin cookie that I felt bad for a cheddar bacon scone, and that is just the baked goods, I also snagged a quart container of maple bbq chicken salad, a quart of pasta salad, half a quart of sugar snap peas, four rounds of goat cheese with garlic and olives, a serving of mussel salad (awesome, SO glad I don't have shellfish allergies) and 10 spears of asparagus. All free, "we're just going to throw it out."

But thought it was really really cool that he'd put it aside for me and give it to me even though he could have made me pay for it at half off.

My rent is due at the end of the week and I do not work till Thurs nite, so no shift meals all week and I felt like I was scraping for cash a little bit. This food with the stuff I had in the fridge-freezer will get me through till my next payday.

So wooooooot!!!!

So that's lunch. Two seven layer bars, that one after the one I had for breakfast. So I have one left for later. And then I can start in on the veggies.

It was an overcast rainy morning here and I took the camera out because the clouds over the mountain were awesome. It's hard to say "over" the mountain because the clouds sometimes look like they are clinging to the face of the mountain, contained by the mountain, spawned by the mountain. Anyway a few weeks ago I found a nice vantage point on the rec path that I set my camera up at and this AM I took a roll there, just 35mm nothing special, I developed the negs but the 7 layer bars were calling me and I didn't get around to making any prints, just stuffing my face and surfing the net.

Really looking forward to the next two weeks and raking in some tips so I can FINALLY ride up to Burlington and get that negative scanner I had my eye on before the resto closed. Then I can examine these negatives on the screen without making contact sheets, which I like in some ways but with the scans I can see details that I can't see on a contact sheet, plus I don't waste paper then, do you get ANY of this???

I had something really cool happen this morning. I was sitting on the stoop drinking my coffee, thinking about Todd, missing him, and while I sat there I heard a BUZZZZ! BUZZZZ! in the lilac bush by the door. Knew what it was but each time didn't look fast enough to catch him. Well the third BUZZZZZ! I looked and there he was, a hummingbird going from lilac cluster to lilac cluster, filling up with nectar as he buzzed. Little thing, moved so fast. He was reddish brown with a white band around the neck. Anyway it would have been enough to have just seen him flitting around the bush (those last four words make me think of Todd too ) but then he buzzed off and through the thicket in front of me, stopped a few times like he was looking for more lilac, then came RIGHT OUT to the stoop and hovered about three feet over my head to my right, like he was checking me out. I said "Hi fella, good morning" and he BUZZZZZED! off around the lilac bush and back to whereever he came from.

Reading what you wrote me because I feel like I didn't respond to any of it, but we talked about all this.

No I don't feel funny telling mom or at least confirming mom's suspicions re Todd and me. It doesn't make me feel weird. I went a long time feeling like with sex, there was something f'd up about it, one night stands like truckfuck or just feeling like a sneaky kid like I did with Luke. Something about being with Todd though makes me feel like it's on the up and up, you know? Like he's a good person for me to be with and I want mom to know how serious I feel about him.

It's so funny, it wasn't "love at first sight" and I didn't feel like we hit it off totally, I still feel like I crack jokes or say things sometimes and he's like "Huh?" Or silent or one of these . Like in a few ways we're not on the same wavelength. But I don't know, I just feel in my heart like he's right for me and I can't explain it. I did almost from the moment I met him, I can't put it into words. But there are things I've done in the past that felt like my head's solution to problems, and then there are things I've done that feel like my HEART'S and my SPIRIT'S solution to problems, and with Todd, I've always felt it in my heart and spirit.

Felt like "This is someone I could fall in love with." And now I am.

That he's gorgeous too helped, I was attracted physically of course, but after initially meeting him it was less that than it was that I felt like my heart and spirit NEEDED him. Like he was some future that I wanted to be a part of. Does that make sense?

Anyway being with him in bed being his lover just feels so natural and right that I don't feel shy about it, I feel like I want to guard it, but it feels deep and serious and like a part of the whole picture, and I'm not blabbering about it to mom (or Margo) but I do feel like I don't mind them (or you or Jen or Missy) knowing that that's what's up. It just feels right and makes me more than happy, makes me feel deep and contented and full. Full, that's a good word.

And I love his kids, Nikki a sweetheart, Neil too. I am really hoping they will move up here this fall, Todd likes working up here and has been seeking full time someplace. (He gets only about 24 hrs a week at the resto) He hates to move out of WRJ, the kids have friends there, his parents are there and they do a lot for the kids. But like I told him, a lot of the problems you deal with are created by going back and forth. I am not stuck in Stowe and would move down there to be near him, but I like it here, like that it's close to Burlington and Montpelier, love the mountains and the setting, really loved the winter here and I know he does too.

He told me that HER family is up here and that's one reason he resists moving the kids to Stowe, to not be around all THEM. Big reason I guess.

ANyway it feels so good to talk about these things with them and be involved and feel like I'm making a difference, not just making him feel better but helping to impact his kids too.

I am just happy at the moment.

Except I only have one 7 layer bar left I guess I can eat a brownie. Or some veggies.

So I am off tonight and tomorrow, work Thurs night, off Fri and work Sat Sun. Todd will be down Fri night and staying over!!!!

Talk soon Rita! I love you! xoxoxoxoxoxo maura k

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